Somewhere in Uganda

Read more...

MYA

Read more...

How not to go out...

A few tips on How not to go dressed when going out and others Don'ts in the Ugandan night life.

1. I blame Hollywood for making it so damn important for people to wear matching outfits at the risk of going nude to parties. Imagine this girl was like this at 1:00 am in the morning.

2. Go out dressed as you want but please don't ever let teh creep of the party touch you!! It shows bad taste.

3. No matter what beer you are drinking its is in bad taste to come to the bar in the same colours as the beer so that you can be identified with your beer.You look crazy and mostly daft, and "RIGHTLY STUPID"

4. For fuck's sake if there isn't enough fabric, don't wear the damn dress!!

5. Never escape from home in your night gown or night wear to come to a party!

 Catch up later

xxx

Read more...

Ever Eaten Boiled Cat?

 Sometimes you hear that cats are pets precious and protected in some countries. I get to sometimes thinking whether it makes sense to ever really keep pets. When I recently heard that an Italian Chef had been dismissed from his show for suggesting that cat casserole was indeed a very nice dish.Beppe Bigazzi will not be cooking anymore on his show, or showcasing his flamboyant style after the show's producer and host asked him to apologize but he wouldn't. Things got hair-raisingly scary when the show's host mentioned her pet cat was called "Othello" but Mr. Bigazzi showed no emotion as he went on to explain the intricate cat boiling process.

Having grown up in hard times in the 40's and 30's when times were hard in Italy and food was scarce, it was often a delicacy to score some pussy for food. This was his point of argument and reference.I guess Italians are not starving anymore because the public broadcaster was flooded with calls from thousands of viewers and angry animal rights activists. They laboured to explain that cats were officially pets and were protected by the constitution; "Cats are pets protected by law," from "cruelty, maltreatment and abandonment," said Health Ministry Undersecretary Francesca Martini. Bigazzi's stunt, she said, "hurts sensibility, which is fortunately steadily growing, of citizens toward animals."

A brief history can be found here

But truly today the eaters of cat and feline meals are from the orient. and now it has become quite popular in here : "Water Boiled Live Cat' Dish Gets Popular in Guangdong"  which by the way looks something like this:

Where the cat is beaten with bat until it passes out and then boiled in hot water. apparently myth holds that the more torture and suffering the cat endures the more potent it is as a delicacy and as a stew. The theory behind this is of course mostly rooted in myth and legend, however one has to wonder how one goes about the business of cat eating;

First, put the damn thing in a pan:

Secondly apply hot water to the pan. the pussy should be dead in a few.

3. take it out and skin it.

4. Boil it again and season like any other meat dish.

5. When its done your dish should look like this:

And then serve with a rich red wine.

Some will ask why I posted this recipe? Recently my Creative Director rescued a stray dog and when he came to the office and shared this with a colleague, they insinuated that he was really kind. they then added, quite disastrously, that they knew another colleague who had once dispatched of a stray cat into a pit latrine with no compunctions. the angst and tension since then has been tangible.

SO... I'm posting this to show that across the world pussy eating is not as abhorred as we here in
Uganda think - which is quite strange because Ugandans don't eat cat because they believe its superstitious and felines are demon-infested , or just that they are simply too little to eat.

Read more...

Kenyan Students Aid Ugandan Adult Industry

It has been argued that the Ugandan education system is the best in the region, what with so many schools and so many teachers the only logical result was to have so many students.So that industry flourished and grew;importing the region's scholars from far and wide.

Be that as it was, there was another industry which was suffering; the adult industry. despite Uganda being a generally prurient society, people really lack a lot in terms of material to work with. which I think is part of the reason they are currently running the campaign "Rather have many styles with one partner than one style with many partners"They realize that a lot of Ugandans go out looking for "some" more because its always the same dish at home.

so anyway, in the past few weeks, I was shocked to hear that the problem of Ugandan adult content was a hot research topic in many universities. It was being taken seriously and a lot of time and resources were being invested into this venture. 

The fact is at many universities, there is a lot of research going on most of the time. studies, filed trips, analysis, pre-testing, observation and declaration of results. the students at KIU-supposedly, are currently under taking a venture to contribute their own little two cents to this data bank of knowledge. Their contribution is more graphic and I would be lame if i didn't show you. so presenting:

The Humming Bird:

The Jack-Knife Hammer Headlock

Who's Your Daddy?

Ride the Pony

"Wait, are you packing a packing a Matooke down there?"

and finally Gone With The Wind:

*always remember to make a quick get away.

NB: Now what is the moral of this story?

1. Kenyans lie when they say they hate Matooke, for obvious reasons.

2. If you are ever going to shag a bird and her laptop is just lying around her room, make sure it is shut down and covered. That is how this little imp got caught.

3. How do i know it was the chic/ unless this guy keeps teddy bears in his room for recreational purposes i would think this a chic's room

4. If you must ever do anything on video, get your parents to send you to school in a foreign country, whey they have bans on blogging, and free speech.

5. Always wear a rubber.

6. Never grow a gut, imagine how bad and obstructed these pics would have been if this bro had a gut.

7. If you are good at something , never do it for free

8. The Ugandan adult industry will never really improve because the guy behind the camera always wants to get some too, which is why these guys had to resort to the laptop.

9. Always make a quick get away.

10. FIND YOU A KENYAN TODAY!

Read more...

What is it with Mzungus on Holiday?

1. They think its cool to dance with Ragga Dee

 

2. They Don't seem to get the concept of We dress up to go out, why the F**K do you come out half dressed, or dressed like urchins?! and they say, " we are respecting culture!"

3. Need I raise the issue of thinking that every black artiste is cool?! You see them, hanging out at Steak Out, chilling, smoking weed, and you ask yourself, "Do they know that they might be scraping the barrel", or rather " that they've been scraped by the barrel?"

4. I have found the first Panty-devouring  vagina. Now you see it...




 





















4. Now you don't....























5. I don't care where you come, looking like this might look like you were on holiday in a banana republic, in Uganda, [which is a banana republic] you just look like a dumb ass!

 

 

Read more...

Wafagio? [Swahili for they can do] Really?

Some things should be kept out of the public's eye, for sure!




And one has to wonder whether they are paid to sing or flash their audiences. The stupid government wants to put a law against homosexuals instead of curbing cellulite exhibitionists! Ahhh! Banana republics!



but you see in fairness this kinds of dressing actually brings crowds to the shows in droves. They copme hoping to get a sneka pek of some action every concert. and i can guarantee that if you watch enough of these you will ;
1. Be scarred for life
2. See all there is to see on the female anatomy
3. Really consider having a sex just so you don't end up like some of whats up there
4. Stop admiring artistes for all the fame the have; those suckers really have to go through shit to earn their dimes.
5. Work harder in school, or wish you did if you are already done with it.



But you see its not all bad.

I hate the group

Read more...

Is It Just Ugandan Artistes?

In Uganda when you attend a concert, you will see a lot of things. Sometimes you will see a well dressed artiste who sings like crap. She will be less than 30, sing like she nearly dropped out of school - but not. She will talk in vernacular and in a limp dry voice ask you to clap your hands. I'm reminded of a Steve Harvey, a black American stand up comedian, who once said "Dude I paid $38 dollars !! you clap!!"




Forget that the said girl is wildly gyrating her crotch in the face of the crowd. trying rather unsuccessfully to woo the men in the crowd, al of whom will most likely be with their wives BTW so its kind of weird unless you are dancing at Madame Arthur's trying depserately to get a lesbo one nighter.




As if the girl torturing you with her irritating, shrill and ill trained voice isn't enough, she decidesshe will turn it up a notch so you can see what God gave her.

and you see it.

Not funny. Not funny at all.







Had she ran out of clean underwear? Or was she campaigning for the national road safety network and she decided to don a zebra crossing to show her support?

Does anyone know her?

Read more...